Tuesday Night Loathings on the State of my Country from the Other Side of the Sea

Unpacking the rotten package

Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash

It’s been almost a week now since the seismic rumble of the US election, and now that I’ve had a chance to rage post on Facebook, get fight-the-wall drunk, rant at my wife, brothers, and friends back home, hate delete my Twitter account, then sober up, attempt gather the slurry of my thoughts, apologize to a few people I may have verbally stabbed, and quietly reflect on just how I may be wrong about EVERYTHING, it is now time for a decompression post. 

After all, it’s now Tuesday, which is by far the most reasonable day of the week. You caught me before I descend back into the cycle of manic fury that is my usual rhythm. By Thursday I’ll probably once again be shooting lasers from my eyes and lashing at the clouds, as beautiful as they are. 

Why do I do this to myself? 

Why do I, every four years, insist on self-torture in the name of a country I left 20 years ago and probably will never live in again? Why do I even pretend to give even a flake off my ever-sagging Angus sack who sits on the Bacon Eagle Freedom Throne? 

After all, it’s a full ocean away.

Why pin my hopes on an event I have almost zero control over, when I could just carry on munching kimchi, downing soju, and banging out happy little travel missives for bourgie travel mags on these easy, rocky shores of the Korean peninsula?

I’m surely a masochist, but the truth is that I love it. Politics — as inane they often are — have always thrilled me, more than sports, really.  And I live for American presidential elections. I love the pageantry, the conventions, the insults, gaffes, debates, and the fact that everyone is at each other’s throats, all the time. I love that much of the country starts dancing in streets, foaming at the mouth, speaking in tongues, and convulsing with the conviction of holy rollers in an attempt to select a captain for our massive, overloaded ship. 

Sure, our dumbshit elections are a colossal waste of money and energy, but the fact that every four years, so many people seem to care so deeply about a thing warms my cynical expat cockles immensely.  

It’s a high-stakes game where the euphoria of winning is usually short lived, while the nose-in-the-shit misery of losing can go on for what seems an eternity. It’s perhaps our greatest, most flawed game, and even though I haven’t been there to witness it in person in over two decades now, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

We’re a day ahead here in the Land of the Morning Calm which means the results start trickling in late Wednesday morning our time: the dreaded “Red Mirage” always turns my blood to ice as the early returns in the South and lower Midwest inevitably favor the GOP by huge margins. The catastrophe known as Florida serves to compounds this panic, which is only ameliorated by the weight of New York and New England, though the margins there this time got pretty iffy. 

So yeah, this ain’t my first rodeo, but the fact that I’m always working my teaching gigs on a Wednesday morning and afternoon while the elation or crushing doom transmits from my phone directly to my dark heart makes it a tough poker face to put on, especially when it all turns to shit.

I don’t experience our elections from the bar or comfort of my couch. It happens while I’m up and on the move in classrooms, buses, subways, and sidewalks of this thrumming city full of people who care nothing about my personal roller coaster of angst. 

And once it became clear that Trump was going to convincingly win this thing, I could only sigh, growl, and mutter: “You stupid motherfuckers.”

Yeah, I know, I know… castigating Trump supporters is largely seen as gauche these days. I’ve read piece after piece from both the right and left scolding “coastal elites” for mocking those who continue to throw their (often sizable) weight behind this catastrophe of a human being. While we can argue just how fascist Trump is, it should be clear to anyone not mainlining his sewage that he’s at least fascist adjacent. Just take him at his word.

Yet we’re the snot-nosed meanies for pointing out the radioactive stupidity of people who vote for the most unfathomable idiocy to ever ooze onto our national stage? This is the line now sold to us, despite all of his unhinged ramblings and accusations that anyone against him is “vermin” and “enemy of the people,” surely more dangerous language than observing that so much of his cult are indeed slack-jawed cultified yokels?

There is this ludicous assumption that all liberals, quasi-lefties, and supporters of basic decency breathe rarified air from untouchable ivory towers. Myself — and many of my friends who also spit fire at this shambling vortex of chaos and shittery — are actually struggling. Yet we’re continually painted as “moneyed, out-of-touch elites” because we dare to read books and actually balance our thoughts with nuance and a recognition of history (okay, maybe just some of us).  

It also bears pointing out that many of the Trump supporters in those supposed flyover states are actually doing very well: After all, how else do they pay for those gargantuan douche trucks, massive arsenals, and speed boats that carry the asshole flags? That shit don’t come cheap. A lot of the Trumpies I know have property and the cash that goes with it to burn. But eggs don’t cost what they used to, right? 

Mockery is a valuable weapon but yes it can also backfire, but to hate people for pointing out the obvious truth of the situation — that much of the nation is possessed by a deep, swinish ignorance — seems a bit rich. Or poor. At this point I’m confused who has the actual money, because it seems to be evenly distributed on both sides, as is the lack thereof.

People more involved in the game than me have done endless post mortems on why Trumpism triumphed once again despite its unintelligible, dark vision of the nation, world, and people that inhabit it. I won’t go into the back and forths other than to say that yes, inflation was the kicker. Democratic strategist and perpetual-pundit James Carville should have recognized it. He recently wrote in the NY Times that Harris would run away with it, depsite coining the phrase: “It’s the economy stupid.”

So yes, the post-Covid world was one of skyrocketing prices, and it sucked(s). This single issue has already toppled governments all over the globe, and will continue to do so, as that’s the knee-jerk reaction of any electorate: vote out the assholes in power once prices get too high. Fair — if at times dumb — play.

I get this, but also laugh at anyone foolish enough to believe a cadre of grifting billionaires (Trump, Musk, Thiel) will lift a single one of their never-callouses fingers to help the working classes. One of the reasons we ended up with inflation is because Trump flooded the country with “free money” (how socialist of him) which of course just drove up prices. Anyone who thinks that the president has access to a magical lever to reduce the cost of living is living in Crackland, but that didn’t stop many from voting for him just because of that.

What they don’t understand is that inflation is a WORLD problem. It’s gutted and hobbled my household. I’m treading water like never before because of prices that are 20 - 50% higher here in Korea, which completely ate up the cushion I once enjoyed (wages have risen for shit). I just had one emergency expenditure (surgery for my dog) that depleted the little savings I’d managed to get going, and who knows what lies ahead? This, along with all of the other money sucks has lead to me taking on as much extra gig work as possible, in the hope of not sinking.

Still, I won’t vote for a perpetually-lying, narcissistic bag rat shit in hope that he’ll turn his golden gaze my way. Simping for billionaires is like thinking the stripper really likes you. Good luck with that.

* 

A lot of people put the blame of this year’s electoral failure on the Democratic Party, and of course they’re not wrong. The Dems have managed to shit the bed more often than not in my adult life, catering to moneyed corporate interests while their original bedrock of support (working class people — especially of the Caucasian variety) have defected to the other side.

“It should come as no great surprise that a Democratic Party which has abandoned working class people would find that the working class has abandoned them,” Bernie Sanders recently remarked with his usual brutal clarity.

The one real chance they had in winning them back was in 2016 when Bernie lit fire to the country’s soul. Would he have won in the general election? Who knows, but you know who else didn’t win? Hillary Clinton. 

That said, despite the 5th quarter punditry, I don’t think Harris was a terrible choice. She served her time as senator and Veep and knew the ropes. She eviscerated Trump in the debate and was killer when she had a script. Without the teleprompter she could get lost in the woods, but again, look at the other guy.

Was she shoved down our throats?

Sure, but I’m not sure if there was another play that late in the game. Joe HAD to go; the machine got her in the seat, coalesced behind her, and rolled the dice. It was a ballsy gamble from the getgo that was never likely to end in success. But it was a choice that got pretty close.

The unofficial line is that an open primary would have been internecine warfare that could have done more damage than good, though I personally think that seeing real democracy in action may just have excited the electorate in a way we haven’t seen in my lifetime. They had a chance to jettison nomination-by-focus-group, roll up their damned sleeves and go for it. Let’s duke it out! But the one thing the Democratic Party is exceptionally bad at is actual democracy, and guess what? Actual voters take notice of these things.

The other, overriding lameness that so many refuse to acknowledge is just how toxic woke-ism has become. Shudder all you want at the word and call it something else if you’d like, but the full-bodied embrace of identity politics has driven far more people away from the Democratic Party than it’s brought in.

Think about if for a minute:

Mandatory DEI statements. Forced DEI workshops where white workers are told that they are inherently racist due to their ancestors’ “original sin.” Children being medicated and subject to surgery in the name of trans rights. Former men competing with women in sports. Advocating for government funds to pay for transition surgeries for prisoners. Meaningless, performative, “land acknowledgments” that do nothing to help actual indigenous folks in real life. Arts programming emphasizing didactic, ideological works and the skin color/gender identity of the makers over actual artistic merit. The list goes on and on…

All of this is pure poison. It’s not only, in many cases, insane, but massively counter-productive when it comes to building a broad, working class coalition, which is what the Democrats, liberals, and leftists clearly need to be doing. Yet the party and many of its adherents have gone all in on this utter nonsense and are now seeing the rotten fruits of their folly.

Yes, there is plenty of racism and sexism and fear of trans and gay folks still smoldering in the country, but forcing people to accept what has become unassailable doctrine and calling anyone who questions any facet of it a bigot is nothing more than an exercise in self-harm. And while the GOP certainly remains the White Party, non-white folks have broken their way in droves of late, which has to give all of these people who reflexively cry racism pause.  

Sure, many Latinos are culturally conservative and maybe even groove with Trump as a traditional “caudillo” strongman, and I guarantee you that some of the black dudes who give him the nod do so because they think he’s a “G.” But plenty of women of all colors have also left the Democratic Party, including Asians, the group that never gets discussed when it comes to American electoral demographics. Invisible indeed. 

*

Despite the appearance of a map bleeding red from east to west, this election wasn’t a blowout. Sure, Trump swept the battleground states, but by very small margins, and while it looks like he’ll prevail in the popular vote, it will only be by about 3 million out of 148 (or so) million votes cast. That’s not that much.

Of course he’ll pretend it’s a mandate, and the so-called liberal media will continue to make it seem like a bloodbath, but the fact is enough people sat this thing out to give it to the other side. The Dem’s unwillingness to put up even a token opposition to the ongoing slaughter in Gaza surely caused a whole faction of folks to abstain, and when people don’t vote, the Republicans win. You can set your clock to it.

This sadly includes me this time around. My absentee ballot arrived in August, and I accidently chucked it, thinking it was just for some local September school levies I never vote in. By the time October rolled around, I noticed the ballot I was awaiting had never come. I emailed my election office for a new one, which arrived… yesterday. I mean, I could fret, but my district in Olympia, Washington is among the most blue in the country. So mine would have just been one more drop in a waterfall that still couldn’t hold off the national sentiment.

And I should have seen it coming. In retrospect it was clear as day. There was a point when Trump was anathema to most everyone I knew, except a few friends who are right-wing hardcores that were down from the first time he slithered down that golden escalator. But over the years I’ve seen so many other friends, acquaintances, and family members grow so nauseated with things back home (and the Democrats’ mismanagement of it all) that they’ve slowly been inching rightward.

I never thought most of them would actually get so close to the Trump lever to where they’d give it a spiteful pull, but I was wrong. Very wrong. And I’d be willing to bet that there are scores of other amigos who toed the party line publicly and voted for him privately.

But I don’t live there.

I haven’t in two decades. I just read the stuff and talk to folks via chats and video. My finger is only on the faint pulse that manages to still beat on this side of the Pacific. But when Trump talks of tearing up treaties and upending alliances, I listen, because the whole reason I have carved out my little life here in Korea is because of the close relationship they have with the United States.

World War 3 may already be upon us. It’s grinding away in the Ukraine, going off in the Middle East, and if a third front erupts, it’s sure to be here, in East Asia.

Will Trump be the bringer of peace? I say hell no. The savvier actors (Putin, Xi, Kim) will smile to his face, shake his hand, and suck him for everything he — and we — are worth. I can tell you firsthand that the locals are nervous, and they’ve lived with nonstop threats from the North since 1953 with barely blinking an eye.

American elections affect us all. What’s the saying: “When America sneezes, the whole world catches a cold.”

What happens when they willingly vote for cancer? 

*

On election day I puked up gallons of bile, but as much as I despair and want to hate my fellow Americans for voting in this terrible man and call them all zombie-eyed turkey-brained imbeciles (maybe I already did), some of them are dear friends and family. Cool, funny, and yes, SMART people. I was surely blocked by one or two for my acidic outbursts online last week, but most just laughed and took it in stride. After all, at this point they’re used to it, and best of all: their team won. It is a team sport in the end, as nasty and rhetorically stabby as it can get.

That night, a good friend sent me a full-on gloat photo once it was clear Trump would triumph. He beamed at the camera while sporting a proper MAGA hat. While gutted, I also laughed and just took the taunt to the ribs, telling him to savor the moment.

It actually made me feel a bit better, because this guy is among the kindest, coolest, most generous people I’ve ever known. His politics are just a bit twisted, at least from my vantage point. He happens to go all in with the other team, and no, he’s not even white.

Last night I dreamt I was back home, in the US. It’s been some time and despite all of the recent acrimony I’ve been missing it more and more. I dunno why. I know I’ll get off the plane and find a million things to bitch about but home is home and I just feel the pull of late.

In the dream I found myself boozing in my favorite dive bar in my hometown. None of my friends were there but I still recognized a face or two. A couple of local punk bands were playing and we all just drank cheap beer and soaked up the music in a kind of unspoken townie camaraderie. After the gig I found myself outside, and a couple of dudes offered to give me a ride home. The problem was, I didn’t have a home to go to.

I was actually fine with that, happy to wander up the road until I got to wherever it was I was going. I was sure that I’d find a place to crash, even at 2AM, but the fact that they reached out to help me made my heart briefly soar. I knew then, somehow, that it would all be okay.